To have healthy views of others, we must start with ourselves. While I'm not interested in self-worship, I'll be the first to admit that ostracism compromises the fundamental human need for self-esteem. Abraham Maslow states that no psychological health is possible unless the essential core of the person is fundamentally accepted, loved, and respected by others and by themselves. Severe ostracism frequently gets people to focus and dwell on themselves in very injuring, hurtful, and self-hating ways. It is common during ostracism to be overwhelmed with self-deprecating and condemning thought patterns. As a Christian, I can't entirely agree with everything modern psychology teaches about self-esteem. However, I support developing a healthier self-view. I've experienced a beneficial impact from practicing positive affirmations, and I've seen it help others. Fostering a healthier self-view enables a person injured by rejection to reduce feelings of self-hatred and stop being overly self-focused. Disclaimer - Opinions expressed in the following websites belong to the creators of those websites. A lot of the information helped me during times in my life when I was struggling with self-hatred. Replacing self-condemning thoughts with more beneficial, affirming beliefs is crucial to recovery from ostracism.
Ostracized people are generally really hard on themselves and condemn themselves too much. They sometimes punish themselves harshly, even when there is no apparent reason given for a particular instance of ostracism. The lack of an explanation can be excruciating. It may induce a person to speculate endlessly about potential causes. Most often, the speculation is self-deprecating and has nothing to do with reality. If a person who rejects you is unwilling to communicate a flaw and provide a path to reconciliation, they are not ready for a meaningful, committed relationship. In those cases, most emotional issues likely lie with the person rejecting instead of the person receiving the ostracism.
Christians worship God and not themselves, except many of us have a view of ourselves that is untrue in God's eyes and doesn't line up with His opinion of who we are in Christ. The Bible encourages us not to be self-centered. We focus on God, meet the needs of others, and consider others to be more important than ourselves (Rom. 12:3, Phil. 2:3-4). The Bible talks about denying the self (Luke 9:23-24) and even dying to self (Gal. 2:20, Gal. 5:24). Those teachings are helpful, especially in resisting sinful desires. Yet, interestingly, nowhere does the Bible assert that a person should hate and condemn the self. Mark 12:30-31 says, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." It is not possible to effectively love your neighbor as yourself unless you love yourself in God's way. In addition to that, you will not be able to consistently meet the needs of others unless you meet your own basic needs. Taking care of your own needs so that you can help others is not selfish. It is a part of practicing love for others. Achieving the ability to love requires that you allow yourself to experience God's love. He loves you so much that Jesus died on a cross to pay the penalty for your sins. That means you are forgiven when you put your faith in Christ. He removes all condemnation (Rom. 5:8, Rom. 8:1).
If you were ostracized, you might be condemning yourself. That inward self-condemnation can spill into other areas of your life because thoughts influence behavior. Matt. 15:18 says, "But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart . . . ." Prov. 4:23 says, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 27:3 says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. . . . " If you struggle with self-condemnation, you're not seeing yourself the way God sees you in Christ, and your self-view may be harmful to your recovery. Self-condemnation puts your focus on yourself instead of God. It prevents you from loving God and loving other people. Consider the links below to gain a healthier, more accurate view and freedom from self-condemnation.